How to Make Good Husbands and Fathers - The Church's Youth Program Initiative
When I was in first grade I became a Tiger Cub in the BSA. My mother was good friends with a den mother in a local city pack and wanted me to get involved. I'm not 100% sure what it was that Mom saw in scouting that she wanted her first child to experience, but none the less, I was going to monthly den meetings with other first graders and spent hours and hours with my mother doing crafts and going on adventures that taught about the world we live in.
As I progressed into cub scouts I transferred into the ward pack (the church doesn't institute a Tiger program). I continued this pattern of meeting in den meeting once a week, and spending loads of one on one time with my parents earning my Wolf, Bear, arrow points, and eventually Webelos. I went on to earn my arrow of light before I graduated into Scouts.
Before I dig into what is generally referred to as "the Scouting program" by Mormons, let me give you a little bit of a wide scope of my family background. My mother went on to become a commissioner for the Utah National Parks Council (for a time, it was a church calling) and currently manages her district day camp. She also works at Jeremiah Johnson. Her cousin, Mark Francis, is the head of the LDS-BSA Relationships office. In recent years he hired me to come and help with some videos that would hopefully reinvigorate and restore value in the Eagle Scout award. Mark's father-in-law, my mother's uncle, and his wife were professional scouters for a time, and we spent several family reunions on scouting ranches. There is a rich history of love, growth, adventure, and admiration in the scouting program in my family.
So when I say that the Scouting program in the church bites, I'm saying it with love.
My mother was so disappointed with the scouting program in our ward when I graduated into it that she moved me back into the city troop. It was a difficult transition for me since I'd gone through all of cub scouts in my ward so I didn't know any of the boys or leaders. But I started to see it. I started to get it. Scouting in it's truest and properly-run form was a leadership training program. As an 11-year-old boy, I saw 16 and 17-year-old young men planning trips, seeing badge requirements, lifting other boys up, and enjoying the world around them. They respected their leaders, and the leaders respected them. Tons was expected from the Patrol Leaders, Senior Patrol Leaders, and other leadership positions, and these boys lived up to it.
And they wanted to be there.
Each leader, each boy, and each parent when it came to the Court of Honors. There was cheering, support, thanks, a community event. This was a program that was truly developing quality men. They focused on "do[ing] my duty to God and my Country". They instilled that sense of duty in each and every one of us, along with a love of country, and a reverence toward God. We discussed and demonstrated how to be trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent.
When my family moved to a new city, my mother decided that she'd give the ward troop another try. And she wasn't wholly disappointed. We talked a lot more about the LDS church in this troop, and I began to clearly see why the scouting program was chosen for the young men program.
Each Sunday we recited the purposes of the Aaronic Priesthood as stated in Handbook 2:
1. Become converted to the gospel of Jesus Christ and live by its teachings.
2. Serve faithfully in priesthood callings and fulfill the responsibilities of priesthood offices.
3. Give meaningful service.
4. Prepare and live worthily to receive the Melchizedek Priesthood and temple ordinances.
5. Prepare to serve an honorable full-time mission.
6. Obtain as much education as possible.
7. Prepare to become a worthy husband and father.
8. Give proper respect to women, girls, and children.
It was clear to me that these were hand-in-hand with what being a Boy Scout was doing for me. Around this same time, the Duty to God program was changed. There were now loads of requirements for each office in the Aaronic priesthood. My mother found posters with the requirements for each office on it. What was REALLY cool about those posters was that under each requirement was a requirement for the Eagle Scout award that coincided with it. Essentially if you got your Duty to God, you'd get your Eagle, or vice versa.
I earned my Eagle Scout award. I keep the little card in my wallet. It's precious to me. I value it highly because as long as I was a Scout, my mother didn't do more than remind me to do my scouting requirements. My one on one time with her ended with Cub Scouts. As a Boy Scout, I learned how to work with my leaders, how to foster good relationships with men who believed in me, and in the scouting program. I camped with my father for the camping merit badge, went to city council meetings with both of my parents for my citizenship badges, and hiked with the boys in my troop/quorum. I do believe that I am a better member of my community, a better husband, a better father, and a better man thanks to my participation in the Scouting program.
As an adult, I was called as the first counselor in the Young Men's presidency in my ward. This automatically makes me the leader of the Explorer age scouts (aka the Teachers Quorum). I found out immediately why my dear mother had pulled me out of the scouts in our first ward.
Dinner with my parents became the most valuable discussions for my calling I could ever have. My questions to them opened up my understanding of why the church would likely be moving away from the scouting program. "Why can't I convince the Bishop or the YM president to encourage scouting?" "Why aren't we helping the boys develop their honor, their trustworthiness, or their bravery?" "Why don't the parents help the boys become better men?"
My eyes were opened. Scouting, properly executed, is one of the best programs to help turn boys into honorable and noble men. But what does it take for a scout troop to run properly?
I hope that we as adults in the church will put our shoulders to the wheel and find more ways to instill a duty to God and country in our young men. I hope that our boys will grow to be even more trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent. I hope they will be taught to have pride in doing a good turn daily.
I hope that by the time my son turns 12 we will be proven capable of giving responsibility to our young men, that we will trust them with difficult tasks, and be brave enough to allow them to fail from time to time. I hope that my son will be taught in his youth programs how to be a good husband and in time a father. I hope that the young men leaders that work with my son will work with me, that they will keep me up to date on what is being taught so that I can help to solidify their teaching, and that they, in turn, will listen to me as I relate to them my daily efforts, so that they can echo sound council to him.
To be clear, the youth program should never replace the efforts of a parent. But it should work with them to give multiple trusted examples of honor, duty, focus, and faith. I look forward to this new chapter.
As I progressed into cub scouts I transferred into the ward pack (the church doesn't institute a Tiger program). I continued this pattern of meeting in den meeting once a week, and spending loads of one on one time with my parents earning my Wolf, Bear, arrow points, and eventually Webelos. I went on to earn my arrow of light before I graduated into Scouts.
Before I dig into what is generally referred to as "the Scouting program" by Mormons, let me give you a little bit of a wide scope of my family background. My mother went on to become a commissioner for the Utah National Parks Council (for a time, it was a church calling) and currently manages her district day camp. She also works at Jeremiah Johnson. Her cousin, Mark Francis, is the head of the LDS-BSA Relationships office. In recent years he hired me to come and help with some videos that would hopefully reinvigorate and restore value in the Eagle Scout award. Mark's father-in-law, my mother's uncle, and his wife were professional scouters for a time, and we spent several family reunions on scouting ranches. There is a rich history of love, growth, adventure, and admiration in the scouting program in my family.
So when I say that the Scouting program in the church bites, I'm saying it with love.
My mother was so disappointed with the scouting program in our ward when I graduated into it that she moved me back into the city troop. It was a difficult transition for me since I'd gone through all of cub scouts in my ward so I didn't know any of the boys or leaders. But I started to see it. I started to get it. Scouting in it's truest and properly-run form was a leadership training program. As an 11-year-old boy, I saw 16 and 17-year-old young men planning trips, seeing badge requirements, lifting other boys up, and enjoying the world around them. They respected their leaders, and the leaders respected them. Tons was expected from the Patrol Leaders, Senior Patrol Leaders, and other leadership positions, and these boys lived up to it.
And they wanted to be there.
Each leader, each boy, and each parent when it came to the Court of Honors. There was cheering, support, thanks, a community event. This was a program that was truly developing quality men. They focused on "do[ing] my duty to God and my Country". They instilled that sense of duty in each and every one of us, along with a love of country, and a reverence toward God. We discussed and demonstrated how to be trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent.
When my family moved to a new city, my mother decided that she'd give the ward troop another try. And she wasn't wholly disappointed. We talked a lot more about the LDS church in this troop, and I began to clearly see why the scouting program was chosen for the young men program.
Each Sunday we recited the purposes of the Aaronic Priesthood as stated in Handbook 2:
1. Become converted to the gospel of Jesus Christ and live by its teachings.
2. Serve faithfully in priesthood callings and fulfill the responsibilities of priesthood offices.
3. Give meaningful service.
4. Prepare and live worthily to receive the Melchizedek Priesthood and temple ordinances.
5. Prepare to serve an honorable full-time mission.
6. Obtain as much education as possible.
7. Prepare to become a worthy husband and father.
8. Give proper respect to women, girls, and children.
It was clear to me that these were hand-in-hand with what being a Boy Scout was doing for me. Around this same time, the Duty to God program was changed. There were now loads of requirements for each office in the Aaronic priesthood. My mother found posters with the requirements for each office on it. What was REALLY cool about those posters was that under each requirement was a requirement for the Eagle Scout award that coincided with it. Essentially if you got your Duty to God, you'd get your Eagle, or vice versa.
I earned my Eagle Scout award. I keep the little card in my wallet. It's precious to me. I value it highly because as long as I was a Scout, my mother didn't do more than remind me to do my scouting requirements. My one on one time with her ended with Cub Scouts. As a Boy Scout, I learned how to work with my leaders, how to foster good relationships with men who believed in me, and in the scouting program. I camped with my father for the camping merit badge, went to city council meetings with both of my parents for my citizenship badges, and hiked with the boys in my troop/quorum. I do believe that I am a better member of my community, a better husband, a better father, and a better man thanks to my participation in the Scouting program.
As an adult, I was called as the first counselor in the Young Men's presidency in my ward. This automatically makes me the leader of the Explorer age scouts (aka the Teachers Quorum). I found out immediately why my dear mother had pulled me out of the scouts in our first ward.
Dinner with my parents became the most valuable discussions for my calling I could ever have. My questions to them opened up my understanding of why the church would likely be moving away from the scouting program. "Why can't I convince the Bishop or the YM president to encourage scouting?" "Why aren't we helping the boys develop their honor, their trustworthiness, or their bravery?" "Why don't the parents help the boys become better men?"
My eyes were opened. Scouting, properly executed, is one of the best programs to help turn boys into honorable and noble men. But what does it take for a scout troop to run properly?
- Parents who are committed to the program. Parents who communicate and trust the scouting leader. Parents who will encourage their boys to listen to their leaders, to respect themselves, and to dig down deep inside of them for a sense of duty to their God, and to their country.
- Scouting leaders who are committed to the program. And I don't mean committed to pushing all the boys through to their eagles. I mean leaders who are going to encourage the boys, place responsibility on the boys, allow the boys to fail. Leaders who are going to be examples of doing something difficult because it is going to benefit others, and not just because they've been asked to do the bare minimum.
- A ward family who is committed to the program. You need merit badge councilors, connections to service projects, people who will be proud of a boy for the hard work he has done.
And frankly, we aren't seeing that.
In my time as a scout leader - about a year - I found apathetic parents. Parents who didn't care if their boy went to mutual. Parents who seemed not to care if a boy developed leadership skills, or a duty to his God, or a duty to his country, or even self-respect. I found apathetic leaders. Leaders who met on Wednesdays and shot hoops - and the breeze - with the boys, but never discussed what it takes to be a contributing member of society. I saw leaders who brought boys in, talked at them about merit badge requirements, signed them off, and then left the room without ensuring that the boys were better for it.
I saw how scouting was a waste of time.
Part of it was that scouting was a calling. We got leaders who wanted their one-and-done callings, teaching for 30 minutes on a Sunday and checking off their salvation. We got leaders who hated scouts growing up so they didn't want to do it as adults. We got leaders who saw the number of boys they got to Eagle as a notch on their belt so they factory pushed them through the program.
Another part of the problem is that many parents and leaders couldn't see the correlation between the scouting program and getting boys to develop testimonies that would take them on a mission. Often I found arguments when planning activities where on one side of the room leaders chanted "how will that help them get their Eagle" and on the other side of the room leaders chanted "how will this get them on their missions".
I asked my parents why they still are so supportive of the program. They testified to me that they know it's a good program. "Just look at what you got out of it," they said. They saw that in troops who had the trifecta of success great principles were taught. Also, they believe we should "lift where you stand" and that if the church is backing a program, they should too.
When the announcement came out earlier this week, my mother called me. "It's finally happening!" she said. "New prophet, new ways!" We're all excited to see what kind of new program will be released. My prediction is that like the higher law was to the Mosaic law it will appear much simpler with less intricate and specific demands on both the boy and the leaders.
I hope that we as adults in the church will put our shoulders to the wheel and find more ways to instill a duty to God and country in our young men. I hope that our boys will grow to be even more trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent. I hope they will be taught to have pride in doing a good turn daily.
I hope that by the time my son turns 12 we will be proven capable of giving responsibility to our young men, that we will trust them with difficult tasks, and be brave enough to allow them to fail from time to time. I hope that my son will be taught in his youth programs how to be a good husband and in time a father. I hope that the young men leaders that work with my son will work with me, that they will keep me up to date on what is being taught so that I can help to solidify their teaching, and that they, in turn, will listen to me as I relate to them my daily efforts, so that they can echo sound council to him.
To be clear, the youth program should never replace the efforts of a parent. But it should work with them to give multiple trusted examples of honor, duty, focus, and faith. I look forward to this new chapter.
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